Just Say No

I always find it so fascinating to notice how I teach what I most need to learn.

Growing up, I always worked really hard to be a nice girl. I always wanted to make the people around me happy, and not hurt anyone's feelings.

One of my mentors used to call me the most polite person she has ever known (not sure about that one, but it's what she still says.)

Over the years, I have looked long and hard at this feeling that I'm in charge of everyone else's feelings...and how it affects every area of my life.

And how does that have anything at all to do with clutter?

Well, over the last few days, I have noticed my email inbox and the pile of paper on my desk starting to get bigger.

What?!?

I'm leading a program this month about clearing out email and paper, and I'm seeing my own stuff pile up?!?

Yes, that's exactly what was happening.

And of course, it was the perfect reminder for me.

Because as I looked at what was really going on with my email and papers, I realized the reason things were piling up was because I had half a dozen decisions that were in front of me to act on.

I already knew (in fact, I knew immediately) what my decision would be on each of them.

However, each opportunity, invitation, and request were from people I admire. People I love. People I respect.

And I didn't want to make anyone feel bad. I didn't want to miss out on a chance to connect with them. Basically, I didn't want to say 'no,' even though saying 'no' was the best way to say 'yes' and be the most supportive to myself.

And the funny thing is, I KNEW that I would be saying no, but I was putting off acting on it.

And my delay in action created clutter all over the place.

I noticed I wasn't sleeping as well as I normally do. I kept waking up feeling anxious and stressed.

I spent a lot of my time and energy avoiding my desk and my computer.

I let my emails and paper start piling up.

I distracted myself with all kinds of wonderful activities...but the voice in my head that wanted me to just handle the things I needed to say no to was jabbering the entire time.

And that's in only FOUR days of delaying action. Look at all that clutter!

Imagine if I had months of delayed action and decisions piled up!

And the funny thing is, saying no can be much easier than you think.

You don't need a big explanation when you say no.

If you feel pretty uncomfortable saying no, one way that works beautifully is to create a short list of things you can easily say when someone invites you or makes a request (and have them on the tip of your tongue when you need them!)

The best responses are short, simple, and elegant:

• "No, thank you." (with a nice smile)
• "Thank you so much, but I've already got plans" (even if your plans are staying at home with a good book).
• "Thank you for asking, but I'm going to have to say no."
• "Thank you. I appreciate your thinking of me for (volunteering, committee membership, etc.), but my calendar is already full."
• "I appreciate you asking, but I'm creating free time in my schedule right now."

And remember, don't add any loopholes, like 'maybe next time' or 'unless you can't find anyone else to do it.'

Clutter and procrastination don't have to take over. True freedom is being able to simply say 'no, thank you' and move on with your life.

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